Everyone needs change. Sometimes it takes a long time for change to happen. Sometimes it takes a long time to realize that change needs to happen. We need to embrace change. Life can throw us the craziest of curve balls at any moment. Even when I first set up this website years ago, I thought I was where I wanted to be. I was wrong. It was more along the lines of being satisfied in the moment-not satisfied with my life, past, present and possible future.
Was I happy? Of course I was. In the moment. I thought I had accepted my past and things that I've done, or had done to me or took part in. I was wrong. Only over the past year or so have I really dug deep. Faced my demons, and faced my insecurities.
The past year-actually the past two years have been crazy. Over the last two years I've suffered...I've lived through three miscarriages. Two were last year. The first miscarriage we couldn't have tested because it was 'too broken up' to have any tests done. Our second miscarriage we found out the baby had Turners Syndrome, and that is what caused us to lose the baby. Most pregnancies where the baby has Turners Syndrome, end in miscarriage. Our third miscarriage we were not far enough along to have any testing done. With the second miscarriage it took a total of three...THREE...D&C's to remove all the retained products. Lots of surgeries, lots of pain. I wouldn't wish it upon anybody.
Over the last year, I've been lucky enough to have discovered more about my health and my body that I am glad to have discovered. I've found out that I have an MTHFR Genetic Mutation. This means that my body cannot turn Folic Acid into the form my body needs it to be. I have to take a special pure form of the supplement for it to do my body any good. Also, newer studies are showing a huge link in people with the MTHFR mutation and depression. Deplin is the medication I have to take, and all I can say is that this medication has been a Godsend. It's night and day. I love my doctor for recommending I get the genetic test done. I urge ANYONE suffering from depression, anxiety, bi-polar or whatever to please get the MAP TEST done.
In addition to the MTHFR mutation, I've also found out that I have a Factor II Deficiency. My blood has trouble clotting. Factor II is rare, but not uncommon. I now take a daily aspirin and may have to be put on blood thinners if I get pregnant again and/or later in life. I've also been seeing a fertility specialist, only to find out that my AMH hormone levels are at a pre-menopausal level. So the issue with my miscarriages could be related to an egg quality and egg quantity issue. We are beginning 'super ovulation'-sounds kinds funny I know. Once we get medications started and if my ovaries are producing more and better eggs, we are going to attempt Intrauterine Insemination. We've learned to take this crazy ride one step at a time.
Taking life day by day. Trying to not let things get to me and trying to find the good side in things. It's all I can ask of myself. It's made me a better person, a better wife, a better mom, a better employee and so many other things.
Even with all that I've been through in my life, I wouldn't change it for anything. I wouldn't change it for anything, because it's made me who I am. Have I made mistakes? You bet ya. We all have. But you know what? We live and we learn. We need to learn to look at our mistakes, our missteps, our screwups as learning opportunities. You can only learn from it-if you choose to. You can let it bring you down, OR you can let it teach you and help to make you grow into a better person. A better person for yourself, your family, your friends-everyone.
Please learn to love yourself, and once you learn to love yourself-everything about yourself-your past, present and future, you can love others at your most potential.
Until next time...
Was I happy? Of course I was. In the moment. I thought I had accepted my past and things that I've done, or had done to me or took part in. I was wrong. Only over the past year or so have I really dug deep. Faced my demons, and faced my insecurities.
The past year-actually the past two years have been crazy. Over the last two years I've suffered...I've lived through three miscarriages. Two were last year. The first miscarriage we couldn't have tested because it was 'too broken up' to have any tests done. Our second miscarriage we found out the baby had Turners Syndrome, and that is what caused us to lose the baby. Most pregnancies where the baby has Turners Syndrome, end in miscarriage. Our third miscarriage we were not far enough along to have any testing done. With the second miscarriage it took a total of three...THREE...D&C's to remove all the retained products. Lots of surgeries, lots of pain. I wouldn't wish it upon anybody.
Over the last year, I've been lucky enough to have discovered more about my health and my body that I am glad to have discovered. I've found out that I have an MTHFR Genetic Mutation. This means that my body cannot turn Folic Acid into the form my body needs it to be. I have to take a special pure form of the supplement for it to do my body any good. Also, newer studies are showing a huge link in people with the MTHFR mutation and depression. Deplin is the medication I have to take, and all I can say is that this medication has been a Godsend. It's night and day. I love my doctor for recommending I get the genetic test done. I urge ANYONE suffering from depression, anxiety, bi-polar or whatever to please get the MAP TEST done.
In addition to the MTHFR mutation, I've also found out that I have a Factor II Deficiency. My blood has trouble clotting. Factor II is rare, but not uncommon. I now take a daily aspirin and may have to be put on blood thinners if I get pregnant again and/or later in life. I've also been seeing a fertility specialist, only to find out that my AMH hormone levels are at a pre-menopausal level. So the issue with my miscarriages could be related to an egg quality and egg quantity issue. We are beginning 'super ovulation'-sounds kinds funny I know. Once we get medications started and if my ovaries are producing more and better eggs, we are going to attempt Intrauterine Insemination. We've learned to take this crazy ride one step at a time.
Taking life day by day. Trying to not let things get to me and trying to find the good side in things. It's all I can ask of myself. It's made me a better person, a better wife, a better mom, a better employee and so many other things.
Even with all that I've been through in my life, I wouldn't change it for anything. I wouldn't change it for anything, because it's made me who I am. Have I made mistakes? You bet ya. We all have. But you know what? We live and we learn. We need to learn to look at our mistakes, our missteps, our screwups as learning opportunities. You can only learn from it-if you choose to. You can let it bring you down, OR you can let it teach you and help to make you grow into a better person. A better person for yourself, your family, your friends-everyone.
Please learn to love yourself, and once you learn to love yourself-everything about yourself-your past, present and future, you can love others at your most potential.
Until next time...